Few years ago, I imagined that we will be best buddies forever, that she would always be my shoulder to cry and lean on. I used to think that she’s a kind of friend whom I can share my deepest secrets with, a friend who is just one text away and be there whenever I need her. Now, things turn out to be different, a far different from what I have ever realized. I really don’t have an idea if I’m still going to see her again.
Her name is Stacy, my best friend, my best buddy. I have considered her as my closest sister. We were best friends since I was six. We used to be neighbors, playmates, and she used to be my classmate until college. Until one day, I decided to pursue my college in another university because of some personal reasons. Yet, our communication remains constant. Nothing has changed. She’s always there wherever I go. Since I met her, I started to believe that opposites do attract, because that’s how I perceive our friendship. Jane was everything I was not – she was a strong type of girl, a girl with oozing self-confidence, a girl who can live independently, definitely not me. But we clicked; I think it was meant to be that way.
Until one night, Jane called me and said, “Hey. I guess I need help at this moment. My drinking habit is getting worse; I also started taking some pills. This is unusual. I know there’s something wrong with me,” she said with a trembling voice.
What I’ve heard from her was like music to my ear that keeps on playing on my head all over again. I was comforted that she finally accepted that she is not okay, and she needed some help. Then I replied with a comforting voice, “Oh, that’s good. Well, do not be in a hurry. Just take it one step at a time. I am going to help you, no need for you to worry. I got your back. You know that.”
I thought it’s just that simple, but she replied “No, you can’t understand. There’s more than that. It’s not that easy.” She began to narrate her story, where she mentioned names that are not familiar. From all that she has said, there was a single phrase that stocked in my ear, “I started consuming methadone.”
I was quiet that time. No words came out from my mouth. Until she said, “It was not a big deal. I just want to open up to you because I know you’ll understand me. But I’m done with it. Believe me.” Based from what she promised, I remain calm. I just want to believe her. After all, she’s my best friend.
I was busy back then, considering that I’m a teacher and a mom of two. I knew from myself that I really don’t have the chance to check her regularly. But I always try to reach her whenever I have spare time. As time passes by, I didn’t realize that things are getting worst. I visited her one time. And upon seeing her, I already knew that everything has changed. I caught myself having hard time to explain to her why she came up to a point where she severely feels being broken, why despite of having a good job, no money was left to buy for her groceries. I really don’t know what the right things to say. I admit, I lost track of her. I can’t find the right words how to talk to her. It feels like she’s not the Stacy that used to know. I think I already lost my other half. I don’t know her anymore. I lost my best friend.